The Journey Home
by antarianprincess
Summary: Adam Banks has never had a place he could call home. Now in the aftermath of the official JV/Varsity game, Adam and Charlie face a broken friendship. But Adam may want something more than friendship from Charlie. Adam/Charlie slash.
1. Homeless

Title: The Journey Home  
Author: antarianprincess  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: The Mighty Ducks and all its characters belong to Disney. I own nothing and only write for enjoyment.  
Warnings: Slash!  
Summary: Adam Banks has never had a place he could call home. Now in the aftermath of the official JV/Varsity game, Adam and Charlie face a broken friendship. But Adam may want something more than friendship from Charlie. Adam/Charlie slash.  
Notes: Song is Absence of Fear by Jewel

**The Journey Home**  
Chapter 1: Homeless

_Inside my skin  
There is this space...  
It twists and turns  
It bleeds and aches  
Inside my heart  
There's an empty room.  
It's waiting for lightning;  
It's waiting for you  
I am wanting and...  
I am needing you here  
Inside the absence of fear  
Muscles and sinew  
Velvet and stone...  
This vessel is haunted  
It creaks and moans  
My bones call to you  
In their separate skin.   
I make myself translucent  
To let you in, for..  
I am wanting, and...  
I am needing you here  
Inside the absence of fear  
There is this hunger  
This restlessness inside of me  
And it knows that you're no stranger,  
You're my gravity  
My hands will adore you  
Through all darkness, and aim  
Lay you out in moonlight  
And reinvent your name  
For I am wanting, and...  
I am needing you  
To be here...  
I need you near...  
Inside the absence of fear._

Adam POV

I remember once as a little boy, I had looked up the word "home" in the dictionary and I was surprised to find that such a simple word had so many definitions.

But one in particular struck me: An environment offering security and happiness. And I remember looking around my huge house, furnished and decorated according to my mother's expensive and lavish tastes, realizing for the first time just how empty my home and my heart was.

Back then I was a young and naive boy of ten, so proud of myself for things I never earned and so desperate to follow in the footsteps of my older brother who had an extraordinary talent in hockey. When I made the Hawks team, I actually thought I had found a home among my new teammates. It was all very simple in those days. I was the undisputed star and favorite of the team and our families were all friends. When you live in a small, affluent suburban community, there is generally no way to avoid that.

District Five was not the enemy. They were just the losers we had fun picking on because we could, and I, who craved acceptance more than anything in the world, could only follow my teammates as we bullied Charlie Conway and his friends. Until, of course, those same friends that I had held so dear abandoned me as soon as they found out that I was going to play for the Ducks.

The Ducks. Once again, I really thought I had fought for and established lasting friendships with them. After all, Ducks fly together and I wanted nothing more than to be counted as one of them. I love hockey and I love the Ducks where I thought that I had found a home and I was willing to give all that I had for the team. But they were just as quick to abandon me when I joined Varsity as the Hawks were when I joined the Ducks.

And then there was Charlie. The one that tried to welcome me and shake my hand in that locker room on the first day when everyone else was looking at me as if I was the scum of the earth. The one that passed the puck to me when no one else would in that first game against the Huskies. The one that made me his best friend and made me part of the team. The one that I fell in love with.  
The one who deserted me faster than any of the Ducks when I got promoted to Varsity. Of all the betrayals in my life, his cut deeper and closer to my heart than I ever thought possible.

And now the JV/Varsity game is over and we have won. The Ducks have taken me back and we are all good friends again although I cannot help but question their sincerity as much as I want to believe that they care about me as I care about them.

I look up warily and see my teammates leaving the locker room, excitedly yelling and hugging each other. Charlie is looking back at me as if trying to decide whether it would be wise decision to try to talk to me.

"Hey Banksie." So I see he has decided to be brave. He is smiling sheepishly at me, approaching cautiously as if he is afraid that I might suddenly hit him or unleash the hurt feelings that I have kept inside for so long.

I quickly mutter the expected greeting back to him. This tension between us really saddens me. It reminds me of a time, before this whole mess at Eden Hall, when we were really and truly best friends. He used to bounce happily up to me whenever he saw me, and start talking about anything and everything. And I would listen to him, laugh and tell him not to go through with his stupid idea even as his eyes sparkled mischievously and I knew he wouldn't listen to anything I said. Now there is a quiet but unmistakable reserve in everything that is said between us. I get this sensation that I'm slowly treading over pieces of broken glass. One wrong move and the glass will cut the delicate veins in my feet, destroying any semblance of a friendship between us.

Charlie is chattering happily besides me kinda like the old days. That's just like Charlie. He would much rather pretend that nothing ever happened. And I have to smile because Charlie should know by now that his method never works. But I would be hypocritical if I denied him this small relief because I don't honestly how to go about repairing the rift between us myself as much as I want to.

An awkward silence suddenly ensues. Apparently Charlie was expecting a reply and I had not been listening so now I have no idea what to say. I blush furiously trying to use my non-existent social skills to save myself.

"Uhh…well right, I really have to go now," Charlie stammers and starts gracelessly retreating.

"Oh okay, sure go ahead," I say back, searching frantically in my mind for anything witty to say. Now this is the sort of thing that would be useful to learn in charm school. Not ballroom dancing, as happy as I would be to take Charlie in my arms and sweep him off his feet.

"I umm…have to meet Linda for that Coke," Charlie stuttered before finally racing out of the locker room, mercifully putting an end to our awkward pretenses at conversation.

And if Charlie had stopped to look back at that second, he would have seen me, broken-hearted staring at his retreating back. But he never did look back at me. I may live in a million dollar house but never have in my life, have I felt so homeless.


	2. Love by Any Other Name

Title: The Journey Home  
Author: antarianprincess  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: The Mighty Ducks and all its characters belong to Disney. I own nothing and only write for enjoyment.  
Warnings: Slash!  
PLEASE READ – Author's Notes: Hey everybody! I know it's been a while but I was looking through some Mighty Ducks stories last night on and I suddenly came across my own and I realized I absolutely have to finish this. I'm not too pleased with the structure of the story or even some parts in the first chapter but since I began it this way, I'm going to finish it this way. Excerpts are taken from Emily Bronte's poem, _The Two Children_, parts 1 and 2 which I have used for my Harry Potter fanfic, but I feel that it applies so well here as well. Feedback always appreciated! Let me know what you like, what you don't like, what you would like to see or anything you want to me to know! Hugs and kisses to you all!

Chapter 2: Love by Any Other Name

_Never has a blue streak  
Cleft the clouds since morn -  
Never has his grim Fate   
Smiled since he was born -_

_Frowning on the infant,  
Shadowing childhood's joy;  
Guardian angel he knows not  
That melancholy boy._

_I, the image of light and gladness,  
Saw and pitied that mournful boy;  
And I swore to take his gloomy sadness,  
And give to him my beamy joy - _

_"Heavy and dark the night is closing;  
Heavy and dark may its biding be;  
Better for all from grief reposing,  
And better for all who watch like me -_

_"Guardian angel, he lacks no longer;  
Evil fortune he need not fear;  
Fate is strong–but Love is stronger,  
And more unsleeping than angel's care._

Charlie POV

As I quickly made my way from the locker room back to the dorms, excusing myself from the wild celebrations my fellow teammates were currently indulging in, I couldn't help but reflect sadly on the troubled state of my friendship with Banksie.

I have never been an analytical person but the reunion with Adam was obviously not happening and that troubled me more than I thought possible. We did have our Banksie back as I had cockily told Riley and we were best friends again but I had felt the tension in the locker room, painfully forcing its way between us and forming a wall that even my cheerful babble could not dispel. Already, he has forgiven me, forgiven the Ducks for deserting him because it is in his gentle nature to do so. But he is so disappointed in me. I can sense his overwhelming sadness and his gentle acceptance of the situation and that hurts me in a way that resembles the pain I feel as if Rick Riley has just slammed me as hard as he could into the boards.

As a child, I could only remember how much I wanted to be him. I was only ten years old at the time and I had never a particularly self-aware person but even then I had felt the injustice that a little boy my age had so much more than me. Worst of all, he and his friends used their unearned status to bully us back when we were District Five, the joke of the Pee Wee Hockey League. How I resented Adam Banks back then.

I may have reached out to him first, attempting to welcome him his first day in the Ducks locker room and passing him the puck when nobody else would but I also think I took the longest time to forgive him. I pitied him that day, remembering how alone and afraid I myself had felt through much of my early childhood

And I never could understand why - perhaps it was because I was the first to give him a chance - but from day one Banksie always seemed to gravitate towards me. Sometimes I wonder if Banksie and I would have become best friends if he had not pursued me. And yes, he did pursue me as much as his shy personality would allow, always asking me if I wanted to hang out after hockey practice or watch a movie during the off season. Somewhere along the line when I wasn't looking, Adam must have broken through because I began to realize that he had problems too, that in reality, he was just a boy who needed attention and approval. And for some reason, he desperately wanted those things from me. Was I flattered? Immeasurably.

By the end of the Good Will Games, it had become firmly established. Spazway and Cake Eater, the team captain and the team star, were the best of friends and that was not going to change.

How naive my twelve year old self must have been to think that nothing would ever change, I think as I smile sadly at the thought of just how much has changed since the beginning of Freshman Year. I have never been one to embrace change as I'm sure every one of my teammates can attest to after all that's happened this year, but I'm also not one to lash out violently because of change either. I was going through a hard time in life, starting high school - and a preppy high school to make matters even more difficult - and then I find that Coach Bombay was leaving us. Truly he is the father I never had, a constant in my life since I was ten and losing him for Coach Orion seemed like the worst thing in the world at the time.

But the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was definitely losing Banksie to Varsity. Of course, I was incredibly jealous of him and I had every reason to be. I had always been the captain and undisputed leader of the team, and I was good at hockey but no matter how hard I tried, Adam was just always better. But what most people thankfully didn't see was how much I missed having Adam in my life.

I had felt the loss of him and our friendship much more than deeply than I would have expected and that frightens me more than I care to admit. That night at the Minnesota Club, when he and the Varsity team walked out, leaving us the eight hundred and fifty seven dollar bill as their happy surprise, I don't think I have ever felt that betrayed in my life. Washing the dishes and scrubbing the toilets was disgusting and revolting but it was nothing compared to that suffocating feeling in my chest as if he had just walked out of my life forever. He tried to explain himself to me of course, but that only deepened the pain. "Charlie, believe me," he had entreated and even now I could hear the heartbreaking pleading in his voice. He was suffering and it was mostly my fault. I could have stood up for him and the team would have followed me. Somehow, I decide, I have to make things right with Adam because he had become too important a part of my life for me to neglect.

A soft knock on my door interrupts my thought process and I sigh tiredly to get up and answer the door. Linda stands on the other side in a cute lacey red tank top, smiling excitedly up at me and I remember suddenly that I am supposed to be taking her out to get that long awaited Coke. Maybe after all this time, we should upgrade to coffee.

"Hey Charlie, are you ready," Linda asks a note of anticipation in her voice. And suddenly I felt guilty all over again. I had courted this girl because I was lonely and looking for a challenge but now that I had my moment with her, I just didn't care anymore.

"Sure, let's go," I answer back with as much energy as I could, giving her a lopsided smile that I hoped looked genuine as I began to lead her outside.

She followed me happily into the halls on our way out as my thoughts alternated between guilt and plausible ways I could fall down the stairs that did not require the hospital emergency room but did require an immediate return to my room for rest and relaxation. I groaned inwardly as I saw a group of Ducks on their way back to the dorms, still on cloud nine after beating Varsity.

"Ohhh Charlie! So that's why you couldn't stay and celebrate. You had a lot of homework!" Averman says winking at Linda as she giggled at what I thought was an extremely mediocre joke, even for Averman.

"Shut up Averman, we're going now" I growled hoping that I wasn't blushing. I definitely don't want to lead her on anymore than I already have.

"Okay Charlie, but remember have the little lady back by midnight so don't get too crazy out there," Averman teases in that annoying singing voice of his.

"We have to go now," I laughed shaking my head and pulling Linda after me. This was going to be a long night indeed.


End file.
